08.26.09
The Perils of Free Online Dating
You sometimes get messages like this:
hi u doin sexy lil mama i go by [Name Redacted to Protect the Guilty] and I sure do appreciate beauty when i c it i love ur eyes and ur lips, gosh ur turning me on
where u from babe
If you’re as turned on by poor grammar as he is by my eyes and lips, feel free to sign up for OKCupid and track this prince down.
04.13.09
“Are You 100% Sure?” Or: How not to take a break-up
After a coffee date and a dinner date, I wasn’t sure that Mr. Baseball had much going for him. He was one of those men with a sweet personality, but not much to offer in the conversation department. I decided to give him one more try by inviting him to a housewarming party at my new apartment.
As the night wore on, I took advantage of the fact that I wasn’t driving home, and drank more than my fair share of very strong sangria (My roommate decided it would be more delicious with twice the rum. How right she was). At the end of the night, I felt almost sure that it wasn’t going to work out between Mr. Baseball and me. Still, the sangria convinced me that it would be a good idea to kiss him, just to make sure that I wasn’t missing potential chemistry. Cue brief drunken make-out session, no sparks.
Lesson 1: Too much alcohol = bad dating decisions
Early the next morning, my ringing phone wakes me from my hung-over sleep. It’s Mr. Baseball, wanting to know if I want to know if I’d like to come over and watch a movie with him. Still a little groggy, I explain that I don’t think it’s going to go anywhere, and tell him that we’d better just end it here.
To which he replied: “What about that special moment we shared last night?”
Lesson 2: A drunken kiss is not a “special moment.” In fact, it’s probably more like a lapse in judgment.
I realized that he was bent on making this difficult, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I tried to gently convince him that we were not a match made in heaven. Mr. Baseball then suggests that we go get coffee together to talk about it.
Lesson 3: After three dates, there’s really nothing to talk about. She’s just not that into you.
Every time I finish a sentence, his response is to ask “Are you sure? Are you 100% sure?” Finally, after 45 minutes on the phone, trying to convince him that I’m serious, I tell him that I’m now 110% sure, wish him a good day, and hang up.
Lesson 4: If your date keeps saying that she doesn’t want to see you again, assume that she is, in fact, 100% sure. If she weren’t, she would have kept dating you.
Lesson 5: You can’t talk someone out of breaking up with you and attempting to do so will just make you look desperate. Have a little dignity.
03.27.09
The Dating Chronicles: Mr. Diet
The Scene: A Chain Italian Restaurant in Friendship Heights
The Players:
M., the Single Girl
Mr. Diet, the date
How it went down: Some dates start off promising, then crash and burn when the suitor inadvertently reveals his neuroses. In this case, those neuroses began to show as soon as we sat down to eat.
M: Is the fettucini alfredo here good?
Mr. Diet: It’s good, but alfredo sauce is really bad for you. The chicken pesto linguine probably has fewer calories.
M: {To Mr. Diet} Hmmm. {To waitress} I’ll have the fettucini alfredo, please.
{An interlude passes, in which we converse about his dreams of writing science fiction , his work-out schedule and his ability to make friends through internet gaming. While telling me all about himself and not asking me a single question, he mentions that he used to be about 50 pounds overweight. Very interesting. Despite the unpromising nature of the conversation, I agree to have a post-dinner drink with him}
M: {To bartender} I’ll take a whiskey and diet coke, please.
Mr. Diet: Diet coke is really bad for you. It makes fat stick to you.
M: You know, I just remembered that I have to be up really early tomorrow. Have a nice night!
The lesson: The first date is not the time and place for a lecture on nutrition. In fact, unless you’re a doctor giving a patient advice, or writing diet article for a vapid ladymag, you should probably keep your opinions on the wisdom of drinking diet coke to yourself.
03.25.09
The Myth of the Nice Guy
Have you ever complained that you can’t get a date because you’re just such a Nice Guy?
If so, you really need to read this article.
No, I mean it. Go read it now. Because this is so freaking true:
“Too many men use their niceness as a cover for the fact that they’re in fact insecure. It’s this lack of confidence and swagger that kills their chances with the ladies, not their well-mannered ways. Men often set up a false dichotomy. You can either be an arrogant jack ass or a demure nice guy. But there is a middle a ground, the combination women are truly looking for: the extremely confident gentlemen.”
Now, when doing the online dating thing, a girl can’t necessarily tell if you are confident just from your profile. But a lot of guys make it really easy to tell that they aren’t confident. Here’s a hint: If you find yourself saying things like “I never have any luck with women” on your profile, you’re probably sending the wrong message.
Of course, if you really are totally insecure, I’d recommend not dating until you’ve figured out some things to like about yourself. Nobody’s gonna love you if you don’t love yourself first.
No wonder dating is so hard here
According to the most recent numbers I could find, Washington DC has the highest median age of marriage in the country, with both men and women waiting until they’re about 30.
Thanks a lot, obsessive careerism.
